We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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