I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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