capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize