I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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