I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize