I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
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I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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