I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize