so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize