no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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