Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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