Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize