I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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