Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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