The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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