You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
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We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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