Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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