i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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