All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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