I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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