is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize