a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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