they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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