Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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