You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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