then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
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I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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