i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize