I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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