It's like a parade of train wrecks.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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