you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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