Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize