Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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