If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
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Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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