You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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