Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize