I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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