Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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