His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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