When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize