you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
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Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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