we made out on top of his cat.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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