if only i could text you this smell
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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