I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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