The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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