you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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