I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize