I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize