Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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