Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
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Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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