Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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