I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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